Every January the single people out there tend to make New Year's resolutions concerning the area of love and relationships. They vow to find Mr. or Mrs. Right and when they do to hold on to them. It is an age-old problem: How to find the person of your dreams and keep them. Love, unlike other issues in life, has no winning formula; it is as complex as old heck. What works for one couple won't necessarily work for the next. It is pretty much a crap shoot. Instead of focusing on what to do when you find that right person how about trying to avoid the errors or do the things that will increase your chances of finding someone compatible?
Here are ten common mistakes that people make in the beginning of relationships that impede them becoming long term:
1) Making a Deadline: Terms like goals, deadlines and objectives might work at the workplace or if you are on a diet but when it comes to love these words or concepts just get in the way. It is not a science we are dealing with here rather it is the complex arena of human interaction and emotions. If you set a timeline on your romantic life more than likely the romance will disappear completely out of it. Unrealistic expectations begin to crop up and disappointment is almost always the result.
2) Don't Try to Force the Issue: There is no rhyme or reason as to why people connect so don't force the issue. A connection between two people could be because of things like similar thinking/values, pheromones or physical attraction. Just let things run their natural course. Trust and enjoy the process.
3) Planning for an Ending Before You Can Even Enjoy the Here and Now: Most of us try to play out the future as a relationship is just beginning. Wrong, wrong, wrong! Once again you are creating expectations that cannot possibly be fulfilled. The only reality is what is right in front of you happening now. You cannot extrapolate from that. You are not writing a book. It is not possible to completely predict or control the outcome of a relationship so don't break your head trying.
4) Don't Make Assumptions: Breaking off or not even beginning a relationship because the circumstances don't meet your "optimal" requirements is silly and will end up with you finding yourself alone. Just because your great guy or gal lives in a different city is not a reason to not start something. You'll never know if you don't try. Divorced with children or having a weird sense of humour doesn't make them wrong for you. Get to know them first before making any kind of final decision.
5) Rationalizing: If someone wants to be with you they will find a way. Don't make excuses for their disinterest or lack of effort. The same goes for communication or sharing of emotions. They might not feel comfortable about it but they should still make the effort. If they are serious, that is. Don't excuse poor behavior as it is usually just a sign of things to come. Everyone has bad days but if those days turn into weeks then hit the road Jack or Jill. It is good to believe in a person but a healthy dose of pride also should fit into that picture.
6) Don't Go For Someone Who Is Unavailable: Too often you will see a friend or relative going for someone who is obviously not available. I mean either they are already in a relationship or are someone who is not emotionally or psychologically ready to be in a relationship. The warning signs are usually there; don't ignore them! Don't think you are going to change this person. It often is not the case and you will have wasted all that time and effort on something that was doomed from the beginning.
7) One-Sided: We've all seen relationships in which one person gives a hell of a lot more than the other. Now, if it is close then that is alright. I am talking about wild disparities. Nip it in the bud! Don't let it drag out because then it will be harder to end things. Just like the statement that if they like you they will find time to be with you if they really like you they will give as much as you do to making it work.
8) Believe in Yourself: You deserve love and you have to believe that. Don't buy stories they are feeding you because you don't think you can do any better. You can! And more importantly, you will! Don't settle for being poorly treated.
9) Always Communicate: Don't assume that the person you are in a relationship with can read your mind. They can't! Only you can tell them how you are feeling. And you should. Regularly. It gets you into that good habit of keeping open the lines of communication and feeling comfortable doing it. Good communication is the backbone of all good relationships.
10) Don't Look For a Quick Fix: Love and relationships are complex and as such you cannot expect quick fixes. Be realistic in that when problems crop up (and they will in any relationship – good or bad) they will not be solved in 43 minutes like your average television drama. Put the time in that the problem requires or you will simply be putting a band-aid on it only to have the problem rear its ugly head again somewhere down the road. And this time it is bound to be bigger.