It is not news that people are waiting until they are a bit older until they get married. No worries or problems there. Though this waiting has brought with it a whole new crop of issues. One of them being that once you have waited until you are a little bit more mature and stabile in your life to be ready to settle down now how long a wait is appropriate for him (don't even get me started as to why the whole proposal thing is still left up to men!) to pop the question. It has become quite a phenomenon and in England this exact issue has been called the "Waity Katy" syndrome.
There is going to be another royal wedding of epic proportions this spring. Prince William, second in line to the throne after his father, Prince Charles, and Kate Middleton are to be wed in April of 2011. How lovely is what you are thinking, right? Well, Kate really had to work for that proposal…and wait eight long years for it. She even broke up with the king-to-be for a while. While you might understand why someone in the situation that Prince William finds himself might wait that long to make sure about the women he is to wed, it is not a trend that is restricted to the British royal family.
Waiting a number of years for a wedding proposal is a trend that is considered by some to be worrisome for women who are waiting for an engagement ring. These women have found the "one" and are still facing roadblocks on the path to marriage. Some women wait and wait and wait for their man to ask them to wed. And it never comes. A friend of mine waited 10 years before she called it quits for the man she was dating while his excuse was that he traveled a lot for his job and could not settle down to marriage just yet. Despite the fact that she was a successful woman in her own professional life she still waited for him and clung to the hope that he would be ready one of these days.
Women in these circumstances will often say to themselves, "He will propose when he is ready." Sounds like a situation of making excuses for a person to me. With this state of mind years may pass by before they realize that he will never be "ready". And no amount of fabulous home cooked dinners or sexual favours will change that.
What is the solution? As Shakespeare might have phrased it, "To wait or not to wait. That is the question." Are some men, who seem to be able to handle long term monogamous relationships, just not the marrying kind? How do you tell the difference between the men who want to get married and those that just want to be in relationships?
An expert in the subject has done some serious studies about this exact issue and has come up with the ages between 28 and 33 as the time where most men will get married. He also discovered that after the age of 38 that that likelihood decreases dramatically. So women should factor in that age of the man they are dating when deciding if they are going to end up walking down the aisle. Men are also more likely to feel ready for marriage if they have lived on their own for a few years and feel like they are professionally successful.
So how are you supposed to discern between a man who is waiting to feel successful in life and a man who just is making excuses and does not want to get married? How long should you wait around for him to get his life in order? When does it change from you are waiting for him into he is stringing you along? You begin to think that maybe what is wrong with the relationship is not him but you…then you find yourself in the Waity Katy syndrome. The aforementioned expert gave the advice that women impose a six month limit to commit on the man and stick to it.
So once again the onus seems to fall on women. It is up to women to call the shots. Waiting around and making demands does not seem to be the most successful path.