While sitting in my living room watching this travesty I thought to myself that maybe Meaghan Fox was not as crazy as I previously thought her to be. She was obviously wise enough to get out of this monstrosity. Michael Bay’s (Armageddon, Pearl Harbor) third Transformers film is the weakest by far of the lot. It is filled with cheesy dialogue and hammy overacting. Not even by the low summer action film standards is this one up to snuff.
In the last days of the war on Cybertron a ship tried to make its escape. This ship was known as the Ark. The Autobot leader Sentinel Prime (Leonard Nimoy – from television’s Star Trek) was the pilot of the Ark. The escape was not a successful one and the ship and its crew were lost somewhere deep in space.
NASA in the year 1961 detects the crash of the Ark. Wanting to discover what the mysterious ship is before the Russians, U.S. President John F. Kennedy focuses his government’s assets on getting to the moon before them. It took eight years but in 1969 the U.S. finally landed a ship and men on the moon. They take pictures and samples and after a few more trips to the moon the whole program is cancelled.
In the present the Autobots and working with humans to seek out any Decepticons on Earth. The Secretary of Defense Charlotte Mearing (Frances McDormand – Fargo, Almost Famous) sends Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen – Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Predator) and Ratchet (Robert Foxworth – Syriana, Transformers) to the moon to investigate the Ark. Inside it they find the weaken state of Sentinel Prime and five mysterious pillars.
Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf – Disturbia, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps) is now graduated from college and is living with his girlfriend, Carly Spencer (Rosie Huntingdon-Whitely – first film). Despite all that he has previously done for his country, Sam is having a hard time finding a job.
Once he does finally find a job at technical firm it is in the mail room. Discouraged and stressed over the fact that Carly is working for an uber successful and very good looking boss (Patrick Dempsey – from television’s Grey’s Anatomy). Then everything is thrown into high gear when a co-worker named Wang (Ken Jeong – Knocked Up, The Hangover) tells him that something is going on between the Autobots and Decepticons and that it is going to threaten the entire planet. All of a sudden his job and girlfriend take a backseat to this.
Nothing about this film makes sense. Not the story, which is poor and filled with clichés. Not the acting of Shia LaBeouf (totally over the top, bug eyed and hammy). Not the fact that John Malkovich and Frances McDormand would choose to be in this film. The fact that Rosie Huntington-Whitely was obviously hired solely on her looks and not on her acting ability.
Michael Bay’s films all look great, but they have no depth to them. Yes, the CGI is cool to look at though the effect of that wears off after a little while and what are we left with? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.