Zzzz…..oops! Sorry I am supposed to be writing about the fourth film in the Twilight series right. It’s just that all of a sudden my lids got really heavy. It wasn’t that the film was a bore…ok, it was. I was expecting more action and got a lot of romance and love instead. Hey, that was probably fine for the teens who are Bella and Edward obsessed, but not for us non-Twihards who were looking for something that (pardon the pun) we could sink our teeth into.
We get right into it from the beginning with a heavy focus on the wedding of Bella (Kristen Stewart – Panic Room, Into the Wild) and Edward (Robert Pattinson – Water for Elephants, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire). Bella’s mom (Sarah Clarke – The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, Happy Endings) is there along with her father (Billy Burke – Twilight, Red Riding Hood). Jacob (Taylor Lautner – New Moon, Abduction), upset, has fled to Canada (?). Future sister-in-law Alice (Ashley Greene – from television’s Pan Am) has organized and planned the whole shebang. The wedding happens at the Cullen mansion.
The day of the wedding, Bella seems hesitant, like she is rethinking the whole thing, but once she sees Edward she is reassured. Jacob ends up showing up for the reception to see Bella one last time before she becomes a vampire. Bella informs him that they are waiting until after the honeymoon to turn her and Jacob becomes upset as he knows that human-vampire sex is dangerous for the human.
Edward takes Bella off the coast of Brazil for their honeymoon. It is a remote and private location. After they make love once, Edward does not want to do it again as the first time left Bella full of bruises. They pass their time arguing about this and playing chess.
Two weeks later Bella wakes up and realizes that her period never came. She is also suffering from morning sickness and feels a twitch in her belly. When she looks in the mirror it seems as if she already has a pregnancy bump. Alice calls all worried because she can no longer see Bella’s future. The housekeeper tells Edward that if Bella has a vampire child that it will kill her. Edward packs their bags and rushes them home.
Edward wants Bella to abort the child. She refuses. The wolf pack discovers that Bella is pregnant. Sam (Chaske Spencer – from television’s One Life to Live) says that they cannot let this dangerous child be born. Jacob refuses and a group of wolves splinter off from the original pack to follow him. Jacob’s pack warns the Cullens and sets up a watch around the mansion.
Bella seems to be getting weaker and weaker as time passes. The baby is putting her life in danger. Edward still wants to get rid of it and gives Jacob permission to kill him if Bella dies. Several lives are now hanging in the balance due to this one pregnancy.
The first half of the film is basically scenes of Bella and Edward making out. Ok, interesting for like a couple of minutes then I’m gonna need more substance. It became clear to me that if you watch the film with your brain turned on that you would be in as much pain watching it as Bella was giving birth. Really director Bill Condon (Dreamgirls, Kinsey), who has directed a couple of really good films, only succeeded in making a film that gave teenage girls the opportunity to drool and shriek over Jacob and Edward. Dull, dull, dull for everyone else. Even the CGI (most pathetic wolves I have ever seen) was below par.
We can all agree that most film adaptations of books are in some way disappointing. Now, not that the Stephanie Meyer series of books was Shakespeare or anything, but I read them all and the film was disappointing in reference to the source material. I’m hoping (for the sake of the fans…actually scratch that as they are so blinded by their adoration they love whatever schlock is doled out to them) for the sake of the fans that the last film is of much better quality.
– 6-PART MAKING-OF DOCUMENTARY
-EDWARD FAST FORWARD and JACOB FAST FORWARD
-AUDIO COMMENTARY by director Bill Condon